独

寻寻觅觅。。。没有缘分就是没有缘分。。。无论怎么去努力也不会有结果。
无论怎么努力的去接近你，到后来才发现。。。距离更远了。为什么？
好累。我一直希望自己能努力作些什么打动你的心。。。却都是无功而返。。。而且把我们的心拉远了。。。
我是不是不该爱上你？
我们相遇的时间真的错得那么离谱吗？
在这繁忙的城市里，停停走走，看着每一个背影，寻找这你的味道。没有收获。却在每一个角落，看见你我的回忆。。。孤独的看这我们的回忆。
似乎没什么地方能把我容下。。。你的心也容不下我。。。我的心里，却有满满的你。
热巧克力，好甜。有你的味道。。。
越来越迷恋巧克力了。是因为你吗？
现在的我，就象鸵鸟一样，把头埋在沙子里，不愿看你离开我的身边。沙子里的空气不足以让我存活。
近乎窒息那一刻，抬起了头，却看见身边少了你。。。

What & How it mean to me?!

Sometimes, I will think…what I actually want in Aikido? Actually I don really know…
Should I participate while I having so many assignment? Should I attend while the journey is so far from my place? Should I train while I do not have a partner with me? Should I?
Kind of confuse and lonely…what I want?
Although the reason I stay in Aikido is already changed…but am I actually suitable in this?
I found some sincere people in Aikido. I found some happiness in Aikido. And I found somethg which I can’t get out there.
I saw some ppl really committed in Aikido. I can’t figure out how much they love Aikido…somehow can say is endless…
What am I if compare with them? A blur and stupid aikidoka? What had I promise before? Can I really do something for Aikido?
I am too tiny, I think…how long can I hold on? After my first grading in Shudokan? Or months? Years? Or forever?
Why I always worry this and that? Where is the confident that I should have as an aikidoka? Years…till now I still dono where is it…What the hell problem I have?!
Can anyone tell me?